MOSES AND THE BURNING BUSH
The burning bush is a treasured story of Moses' past and how he came to be called upon to lead the people. He's like the Obama of the long, long ago. So anyways, Moses was naughty and he killed and Egyptian for beating up a Hebrew and felt bad so he ran away to the desert where he lived for like 40 years or something. Let's also note that he was about 40 when he left Egypt so he's about 80 as this story begins. Without modern medicine I truly do not understand how the fuck they lived this long, but it is not for me to judge ... perhaps he drank lots of camel milk and worked out.
So the day comes when moses is just walking along and he meets a very pretty Midianite. They had dinner, wen't to the show (it's rumored that 'our Egyptian cousin' was being performed that night, though historical records never confirm this), and then went for a nice little walk on the sand. The Midianite (who is historically known as ahmelaha bujirba bahdu, but nowadays we pronounce the name as Nancy) was cold, so he covered her with his dress thingy that they wore back then. She was very pretty, and she thought he was handsome for an older gentleman.
[It's interesting to note that since her father died at a young age, Nancy went without a father figure in her life and therefore had many older sexual partners to fill the void of a childhood empty from a father's love. This is one thing she had worked on with her therapist, but nothingwas resolved.]
Back to the story. After some mild flirting, Nancy and Moses decided to 'stir the clouds', which is just a fancy shmancy way of saying fuck like rabbits. It was a passionate night, but something felt a little off to Moses. He wasn't sure, and he couldn't put his finger on it ... but something was sure to go wrong. He cared not, though, and as he screamed out Nancy's name in pure pleasure his fears had dissapeared. He would later wake up alone in a tent underneath a tree in the desert. When he awoke, he felt a slight burning in his groin area. He would later find out that he had contracted crabs from Nancy.
You may think this tale is depressing, but there is much more to come. God would speak through his bush to Moses, telling him to go back to Egypt and free all the Israelites from slavery. Moses did this, but that is for another tale. Now we will forever know that without the contraction of crabs, Moses would ahve never encountered the burning bush that never burnt down.
the end
